This is the day when Charlie marries Di,
And all roads lead to London and St Pauls,
Through miles of salmon sandwiches and pies,
And sticky fingered kids in village halls;
Adding their raucous voices to the cheers
Through raspberry blancmange and ginger beers.
When Sunday-suited pensioners, impatient,
Chafe at the festive tables for their teas,
With talk of Jubilees and Coronations,
Before the rheumatism got their knees;
Hoping the endless pictures on the telly
Will soon give way to sausage rolls and jelly.
When debutantes , all caviare and champers,
Hang from their eyries down the Royal Way;
Hired, complete with Fortnum-Mason hampers,
By Daddy at a thousand quid the day;
Tipsily consumed with trepidation
At one more Prince removed from circulation.
The Distinguished with their Lady Eminences,
Are jostling for position in the pews,
Offering best profiles to the lenses
In their bid to make the television news;
Repressing much annoyance at the longer
Exposure for the up-start King of Tonga.
While Dad has got his feet up on the fender,
A pint of bitter underneath his chair,
Settling for a God-Almighty bender
As his contribution to the great affair;
Sharing a prince’s hope that surely soon
The Queen will let them start the honeymoon.
From ‘Bertie at the Royal Wedding’
(also includes: ‘ Among Their Souvenirs’; ‘To the Manor Born’; ‘A Bride’s Lament’; ‘Affairs of State’; ‘The Prince and the President’s Wife’; ‘ Uninvited Guest’; ‘The Royal Bed-Warmers’.)