Bertie’s reports on the Royals gained unexpected momentum. A wrong-footed press corps and puzzled paparazzi rushed frantically around the more obscure Chippings and Slaughters, quizzing the bemused yokels. Was it true that ‘Prince of Wales’ was a corruption of the mediaeval ‘ Prince de Wools’, linking the royal lineage to some of the best sheep-stock in Europe? Who, by masquerading as the Woolsack in the House of Lords,had picked up the Lord Chancellor’s definitive list of Wedding invitees before it reached the Prime Minister? … and so on .
Continue reading To The Manor Born »
Sheep, like people, are mortal – but have learned to cope with special aspects of their mortality which lie beyond those asked of the human. The prospect, for instance, of ‘ passing over ‘ directly on to the dinner-plate of some insensitive trencherman adds a complicating dimension to a sheep’s contemplations of the after-life. All the more remarkable, then, that a sophisticated gourmet tradition lives bravely on in the rich pastures of England …
Continue reading Super Grass »
Even the ‘poets’ seem to have little idea where their ‘poetry’ came from. A ‘Poem on the Underground’ might imply Paddington or Oxford Circus. There’s a whole generation that seems to think it dropped from Panassus wrapped in laurels, Sheep know better ….
Continue reading Birth of the Muse »
You may have noticed that even the tiniest of lambs can be great athletes doing great standing leaps and generally kicking up a storm all over the pasture. So sleep usually comes quick out of sheer exhaustion. Not always, though, and when it doesn’t, what can be done about it ? …
Continue reading And So To Bed »
Most well-read sheep have a high regard for Homer who, but for the accident of birth, might well have been one of us. A great pity, therefore, that he got the Odysseus and the Cyclops story so badly wrong. Still, it was clearly due to the fact that poor old Homer was blind. so we shouldn’t be too hard on him. Anyway, I’m glad to be able to put the record straight, for Mary Beard or other classics scholars logging on..
Continue reading Homer’s Oddity »
A major part of the Bertie Mission is the correction of some of the major distortions of history which stem from the fact that humans have grabbed a monopoly over the telling of it. Luckily, there has always been a sheep around as ‘man’ has perpetrated his many nonsenses, so the truth is gradually emerging as more acute animal intelligences are applied. The myths surrounding the supposed ‘history’ and ‘discovery’ of America are a case in point …..
Continue reading The Birth of a Nation »
Nothing symbolises the loyalty and patriotism of the English commoner on any Royal occasion more than the mass taking to the open air for The Street Party . Huge quantities of low-nutritional food, consumed in acute discomfort in the heavy rain and sub-arctic temperatures of the typical English summer is held to bring out the very best in the British character – and serve notice on the French and others, namby-pambying over Chateau LaFitte and cotelettes d’agneau in cosy restaurants that they’d still better watch out ! Don’t be fooled by the soggy paper hats and rain dribbling down the nose ….
Continue reading The Great Day Dawns »
Although the occasional sceptic has been known to question the costs of our recurring Royal Wedding Extravaganzas, their contribution to the nation’s economy, and all-round stimulus to innovation, is undeniable. A well-honed industry, by ’ Royal Appointment ‘ and harking back to Queen Victoria’s Jubilee, springs seamlessly back into action, with the vast army of lesser-royals manning the tills …. The chipped mug with the engraved ducal head becomes the durable symbol of togetherness, whether in castle or humble cottage …..
Continue reading Among Their Souvenirs »
Bertie Ramsbottom, like all the world, loves a lover! So the announcement of the 1981 summer wedding of Bonnie Prince Charlie and Lady Di caused as much excitement and anticipation in the Cotswold pastures as in the drawing rooms of London ( and Washington ). With the chuckling connivance of Poet Laureate, Sir John Betjeman, unfortunately ill at the time, Bertie picked up the Poet Oveate pen and began the series of inside scoops which came together as ‘Bertie Ramsbottom at the Royal Wedding ’ and earned the eventual approbation of Buckingham Palace and the Prince himself for ‘your woolly loyal address and oveatical poetical offerings’.
Continue reading Poet Oveate »
The Human’s age- long attempts to express himself have lead to a ceaseless search for metaphors which seem to rely on experiences beyond his own banal sensitivities, and borrow shamelessly from languages which he regards as deeply inferior to his own. His Shakespears and other poets know better
and have ears for the richer cadences of field and garden.
Continue reading Tongue Tied »